Reflections on 2020, Part II


Read Reflections on 2020, Part I

In Part I, I discuss the practices that helped bring me back into alignment with my Truth and my dharma/purpose, after an especially difficult start to my year. Here are the next steps I took to gain clarity, purpose, and peace.

March 2020 – Trust

In March, the concept I was working with was Trust. More than a concept, but a way of being in and interacting with the world. After the shut-down and quarantine orders in the U.S. were issued, Trust became even more important, even more vital to my well-being.

How on earth are we to cultivate Trust in such a chaotic world? The answer to this is complex and interwoven with a plethora of philosophical, psychological, and spiritual concepts, doused with personal perspectives and unique struggles of each individual.
In the following entries, I present my experience with this sticky, tricky, beautiful concept in the best way I know how: In complete transparency and, well, Trust.

I ask myself:
What would it look like to TRUST the universe?
To hold my heart and chest up high always, with love, belonging, and WORTHINESS?
To let go of FEAR?

Laws of my Purpose

One suggestion, taken from The Highest Self Podcast with Sahara Rose, that helped me move forward in a time of extreme uncertainty and fear, was creating the following list. “Laws of my Purpose” serves as a guideline for how I want to live my life, in general terms. This is not a list of goals, but a statement of how I wish to feel and experience life, aligned with my values and dreams.

1. I embrace all parts of myself, always accepting seasons of change and transformation.
2. I trust myself. I am authentic, compassionate, courageous, and fiercely passionate.
3. I have time and space for creativity, thinking, and processing emotions in solitude.
4. I am surrounded by supportive, growth-oriented, emotionally intelligent individuals that I trust.
5. I write and create art to support my purpose. It reaches and inspires many.
6. I am appreciated for my gifts and sought after in pursuits of healing and growing.
7. I empower individuals to seek their highest self and to use their voice for its intended purpose.
8. I advocate for people with communication disorders.
9. I lead change and transformation in the fields of speech-language pathology and health and wellness.
10. I sustain a comfortable way of life, receiving income for doing these things that bring me joy and fulfillment.

While it is important to set intentions and goals, it can be daunting if you can’t imagine how you want your life to look and feel.

Yes, I want to make art and write poetry (5), but what does that mean for me and why do I want it? Writing and creating help me to connect deeply with myself so that I can express myself fully and authentically. To do this means I must have time and space for creativity, thinking, and processing my emotions (3). It is also important that I surround myself with people who recognize and honor their own emotions, and value self-expression and growth (4). These are people I can trust, because they allow me to be my ever-changing, multidimensional, authentic self (1, 2). And because the personal work that I’m engaged in has been so powerfully healing, I want to help others on their journeys (6).

Yes, I want to be a successful speech-language pathologist, but what does success mean to me and why do I want it? Success, to me, would look like empowering individuals to use their voice (7), advocating for the populations I serve (8), and contributing to the field in a meaningful way through research or other methods (9).

But these ideas cannot be easily reduced to goals and objectives if I can’t prioritize them as ways of life, connected to my values.

The Power of Words

Number 2 on my list was originally “I do not fear of being too much for anyone. I am fiercely passionate, unapologetically.” But in writing this post, I decided to change it to a statement about how I want to feel, rather than how I don’t want to feel. This is crucial because in writing these laws, I am not only making a statement about how I want to experience this life. This is a contract between the Universe and myself. This is a code I am feeding into the Matrix. Thoughts effectively create reality. If you’re looking for red cars or black cats, you will begin to see an abundance of them. If you spend your time and attention obsessing over an experience you don’t like, you will create a story around around it, such as, “This always happens” and surely enough, it will. In the case of my original #3, I have continued to experience the fear of being “too much,” rather than trusting myself to be who I am without inhibition. Trust liberates fear. When we trust ourselves to create our reality, to handle life’s challenges, to make change in ourselves and in the world, we can release fear. I also explicitly named some of my most sacred values, to remind myself that embodying these values is an act of self-trust and sovereignty. That is, I get to decide how I feel and move through life with embodiment and Trust, rather than fear of how others will perceive me. That being said, I recommend mindfulness in your phrasing of your Laws, if you choose to utilize this information. Also acknowledge that these laws may need to be tweaked or expanded upon as you progress through your journey, and that’s perfectly okay! Change is part of the process.

If you’re unsure of your values, or can’t think of them right off the bat, here is a resource that will help pinpoint your most sacred values. I can guarantee they won’t come as a surprise. In many ways and areas of life, you are likely already in touch with your values whether you’ve thought about it or not. That’s the beauty of it. When we live with awareness and intentionality, our actions align with the values held within our hearts naturally.

No matter, I hope this post, and this practice, should you use it, serves you well.

The truth is that your potential is limitless. If you’ve been guided to this post, let me be the one to affirm that all of your plans, projects, dreams, and visions are valuable and attainable. They exist in the recess of your mind for a reason, or maybe they are in the forefront and you’ve been looking for a sign. This is it. Trust yourself, align your actions with your heart, your values, your purpose, and you will not be lead astray.

Trust Your Process

In getting in touch with your dharma/purpose and visualizing what you want your life to feel and look like, it is immensely important to trust your process, whatever it may be. My process involves a lot of creative writing. This helps me access the wisdom of my guides and intuition. Below are two entries from March of last year that helped me connect more deeply to my feelings and sense of purpose.


Drawing down divine energy
to a powerful core
where it swirls with intention
to strengthen and expand it’s reach
to implode with boundless energy
yet, softly
so as to caress each being with a sense of comfort
in knowing
to feel this love, in which so worthy
is to trust in a deeper meaning

Grappling with Gentleness

Can I be even more gentle with myself today?
And even more gentle, loving, kind,
tomorrow, than the day before?
Can I support and trust in myself
in living my dharma?
What would that look like?
Observing without judgement.
Sharing without fear.

Trust is the liberator of fear.
Grace is freely forgiving
self and others.
Trusting their capacity to
Beyond transgressions.
Beyond regrets.
Beyond physical form.

The bottom-line is that getting in touch with yourself, your heart, your values, and purpose requires deep inquiry and a willingness to get quiet enough to listen to your inner voice. One of the best ways to do this is by journaling or expressing yourself in a way that feels authentic and true to you. It can help to ask yourself questions and freely write what comes up. You’ll be surprised by what’s hidden within you, waiting to be expressed, when you take the time to dig deep. It is always worth it. The only pre-requisite for listening to your inner voice is being in the present moment. Being present can be extremely difficult, so I have included a video describing various ways to do this.

If you made it to the end of my ramblings, thank you from the bottom of my heart. This post was particularly hard for me to write and work up the courage to put out into the world. If anything that I went on about resonated, I would love to hear from you. Sometimes I get caught up in self-doubt and wonder why I write these reflections, but then I remind myself that if it helps a single person, it’s worth it. This will be the final installment of Reflections on 2020, as I shift my focus more to the present moment and continue to integrate the experiences of this year and the last.

What came up for me following Trust, was an absolute flood of shadow work – integrating painful childhood experiences and examining how my past shaped my emotional and mental experiences. I think this is a necessary part of the process of coming into your Power. Subsequent posts will likely revolve around the darker parts of my psyche and the shadows that are still emerging to be integrated. So, I hope you will stick around for that and know that no matter how dark things can seem, light always shines in to create Balance.

Trust yourself. Trust your process. Trust the Universe/God/The Divine to provide the experience your Soul needs to flourish.

With deep gratitude and love,

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